He Answers Prayers

It is not every day that one of my prayers is answered in such an immediate and obvious way.

They are all answered in His own time and His own way; however, I don't always see the answers in real time.

I think this time He knew that I needed more of a neon sign.

Guess who moved to the "My Family Found Me" page yesterday?!?

"Alexis"

He is good.

Replacing Soda with Prayer

Please forgive me for starting this post with the ever-so-cliche "It's been a while since I've written."

I've even had exciting things to post about (trip to Hawaii, anyone?!?).  And, yes, Mom, I promise that I'll post (especially photos) about the Hawaii trip.

Not today though.  Today I'm going to post about the fact I've felt 'blah' for a while (woohoo...the blahs...what an exciting topic).

As I've mentioned previously, I spend a lot of time looking at "waiting children" sites and reading adoption blogs.  Sometimes it gets overwhelming because it seems there are soooo many waiting children and sooo few willing families.  Most of the families that are adopting are willing to wait 2+ years for a baby as young and as healthy as possible while amazing children are waiting 15+ years in an orphanage for a family.

Usually I can deal with it, but, lately, it's been getting me down as it doesn't always seem like there's a whole lot I can do.  I can spread the word about kids that need families.  I can donate money to help families that are ready to bring kids home.  I can....no...wait....that's it.

Or is it?

One thing I've only done a couple times is pray regularly for specific kids.  And, to be honest, both times, a family had committed to adopt the children within 6 months.  This includes one little boy that I thought was so broken that it was unlikely anyone would ever be courageous enough to take him in.

I'm short sighted, but, God's not.  He knows who's out there and He knows their hearts.  He also knows where their families have a child shaped hole just perfect for an 11-year old boy or a 6-year-old girl or a 5-month-old baby.  He knows.

So, I've decided to get myself out of my funk by combining two things that I need to do.  One, I need to do more - pray specific prayers for specific children.  The other I need to do less - drink soda (did I mention my 60-oz per day habit?).

So, I've decided that I'm going to give up soda for Lent and replace it with prayers for my first group of kids.  Cravings for the wonderful, bubbly sweetness of Mountain Dew will now be seen as reminders that I need to pray.  Caffeine headaches (which will hopefully only last the first day or so) will also be seen as reminders that I need to pray (and hopefully a reminder not to get hooked on another stimulant because they're a pain in the you-know-what to kick).

So, without further ado (and because this is already really long), here are the four kids I'm going to pray for over the next 40 days (or however long Lent is because, quite honestly, I have no idea).

"Tyler"

Tyler was born in October 1999 (1 month into my freshman year of college).  He's one of the oldest waiting children on Reece's Rainbow.

 He's most likely in the orphanage because he was born with spina bifida which caused damage to his spinal cord leaving him with reduced function in his pelvic organs and with lower paraplegia.  The country he's in actively encourages parents to abandon 'imperfect' children.

The people that have met with him have said that he's an incredible kid.  He is organized and takes care of his belongings.  He LOVES to read (especially fiction).  An adoptive family that was there this month (Feb 2012) said "We've seen him with the younger kids, they all treat him like a big brother and he is so kind and gentle with them.   Like the others we've met here, he seems very emotionally healthy- it's just his legs that aren't working, not his heart, mind and soul.  He would just thrive in a family!"  The hardest part of the visit for that family was when Tyler asked how long it would be before "his family comes to get him from America".

That family can't say where Tyler's family is and when they'll come for him, but God knows.

"Alexis"

Alexis was born in March of 2000.  She is confined to a wheelchair due to a condition called arthrogryposis which affects all of her limbs (though she's able to feed herself, drink from a cup without assistance and roll her wheelchair around).  The people around her have said that she's very easygoing and quick to laugh

She is in the same orphanage as Tyler (they can be adopted together!) and the family above provided an update on her as well. They said, "We have GOT to help Alexis get a family...she's so sweet and funny and played so nicely with the other kids, even the younger ones. But she watched us with …sad eyes- she was so longing for a family of her own, you could see it all over her face."

I live 2000 miles away from my family and even though I hear from them regularly and see them at least once a year, I still get really sad that I can't be with them all the time.  I can only imagine that Alexis feels that times a million when she thinks of the family she's never had (but that God is surely preparing for her).

"Monique"

Monique was born in 2002 and was abandoned in some bushes shortly after birth.  She has spent her entire life in an orphanage.

Her native language is Moore but she's also learning to speak French.  She is healthy (except for the occasional bout of malaria).  According to her caretakers, she never complains and she gets along wonderfully with the other children in the orphanage and in her school.

Her country has only recently become open to international adoption, so, for the first time, children like Monique have a chance to find a family.  According to the people familiar with Monique she has legally been declared an abandoned child and desperately needs a family.

"Jack"

Last, but certainly not least, is Jack.  Jack is also an October baby (born in 2000).  He has a chronic blood condition but is in very good health.  He likes insects and worms but does not like scary movies.  His caregivers say he's responsible, obedient and kind.  He is never rough with the younger kids and is always willing to share his toys (even something cool like a scooter).

Like many boys his age, he's smart but  doesn't put much effort into his school work.  Moms of boys around the world know exactly what he needs....a mom to be on his case about his homework! :)

Before being transferred from the 'baby house' to the older child orphanage he asked a visitor "Do you know anyone who would like to take a boy like me. I would really like for a visitor at least, because I am all alone and I have no one."  Perhaps even sadder is the fact that he bursts into tears when he sees people coming for the younger children and not for him.  He asked one visitor, "What do I need to do for a Mom to come? Do you know where she is? Is she looking for me?"

So, there you have it.  These are the 4 kids that I'm going to pray into a family.  These are the 4 kids that I am going to think about any time I've got a craving for some soda.  I will think about them double when the craving is for some Mountain Dew!

If you feel so moved, please join me (in the praying, you don't have to give up the soda, unless you want to).

You can pray for one (or more!) of my kids.

Or you can go to Reece's Rainbow and choose a child of your own to pray home.

P.S.  I must admit that when I wrote this up I had no idea when Lent actually started.  For some reason I thought it was in mid-March and that I had a couple of weeks to prepare.  Imagine my surprise to discover that it starts Wednesday!  It's probably best I won't have much time to "stock up" and drink a ton of soda knowing I'll be giving it up soon (because that is exactly what I was planning on doing!).

Guess Whose Family Found Them?!?

If you are my friend on Facebook (which is quite likely since only about 3 people read this blog) you've probably seen me harassing....err....encouraging people to donate to the adoption grant fund of this handsome fellow:

This little guy has spent the past 12 years locked away in an orphanage.

Hidden.

Forgotten.

And, let's be honest.  Mistreated.  Grossly and unjustly mistreated.

He was born into a family in an Eastern European country that doesn't think much of those children that aren't 'perfect'.

Like many 'imperfect' children in this country, he was left at an orphanage shortly after birth.  Problem solved.

After 12 years of getting barely enough food to survive (and even less loving touch), "Tommy" is no longer an orphan!

He's got parents (the Berman's) a new name (Kelten Drake), a new brother from the same orphanage (Teagan Chance - who is not quite as ill, but, only because he's 4 instead of 12 so he's suffered fewer years of neglect) and 7 brothers and sisters waiting at home (5 of whom are children with special needs also adopted from Eastern Europe) .

As I mentioned previously, adoption from Kelten's country is not cheap.  His family is still working to pull together the $17,500 they need to complete Kelten and Teagan's adoption.  If you are inclined to help, you can donate through the "Chip In" on my page (in the right side bar).  If you donate $10 or more, you should go to their blog "A Torch for Teagan" and let them know you donated so they can enter you in their drawing for a 32 gig ipad2.

If you want to help other children like Kelten, I suggest you go to Reece's Rainbow and choose a child of your own to advocate for.  It can be as simple as praying for the child (being a Prayer Warrior as they say) or you can try to raise funds for the adoption of a specific child.  Never fear that the child you choose to pray for will not find a home.  If God can find a home for my 12-year-old, 22 lbs little boy with Down syndrome I guarantee you He is big enough to find a family for any child you pray for too!

The Taste of Bittersweet

 My favorite chocolate, by far, is milk chocolate.  All my life I've loved sweet milk chocolate.  Semi-sweet was fine as long as it's bitterness was masked by some sugary cookie dough.  That was as bitter as I could go.

You see, I love sweet, not bitter.  Actually, I love sweet, sour and salty....but not bitter.  Bitter is just not a flavor that I have ever learned to enjoy.

My life preferences are very similar to my taste buds.

I enjoy moments of all 'flavors' except the bitter moments.  I spend a ridiculously large amount of my life avoiding interactions and events that have the potential to cause pain. Unlike many people there was no tragic event in my life that caused me to withdraw into the safe and familiar.  It seems to be one of those in-born personality traits - this hyper caution - the type of traits that you think must have been given to you by God so that you can over come them and grow into a better person.

Except that I haven't put much effort into growing beyond myself.  I like the safe and familiar.

"It's who I am."  I say.  I wear this caution like a ribbon won at a grade school field day, as if it's something to be proud of.  My sister is the brave one.  My brothers are the reckless ones (each in his own way).  That leaves 'the cautious one' for me.  If I gave it up I just wouldn't be me any more.

It's an excuse though so I don't have to leave my comfort zone.  When I wished to be taller, I never claimed that my short stature defined me.  That wasn't who I was.  When I wanted to learn Spanish (which I only managed to do partially), I didn't think I'd become a different person.  When I pray to become a kinder, more patient person, I'm not worried about losing the essence of myself.

Why then would the caution be 'who I am'?

The truth is that it's not.  But wishing to be taller, learning Spanish, trying to be kinder - those are things that can be done with relatively little risk.  Learning to be risky, to step out in faith, to do the things you feel called to do even if you don't yet know how you will do them - well, it involves a *bit* of risk.

Earlier this year, I was drawn to a pair of 9-year-old children on a Waiting Child list.  Their parents were deceased and their siblings could not afford to care for them.  So into an orphanage they went.

And they waited.

And they waited.

And they waited......

Because they were 9 years old, not 9 months old.  Because they were not both girls.  Because one of them had a scary disease.

In international adoption there are waiting lists 2+ years long of people hoping for baby girls as young and as healthy as possible.  In domestic adoption, people will wait 4+ years for a healthy infant.  Meanwhile, 'old' children - children older than two, that is - sit on waiting lists, watching babies come and go...wondering why no one wants them.

As I looked at the information available on these two kids, I felt a stirring in my heart.  Something telling me that these were my kids.  That I should be their Mom.

Now, before you go thinking that I'm a sap that falls in love with every kid I see, I have something to confess.  I have been looking at waiting child lists since 1998.  In all that time, I have 'fallen for' only 4 kids.  A boy named Brandon that I tried to convince my parents to adopt when I was a senior in high school, a girl named Jasmine that I tried to get my parents to adopt when I was freshly graduated from college and the twins.

The difference with the twins is I wasn't a young student any more.  I was a grown up.  A married adult with a home and income of her own.  This time I could be the one to adopt - I didn't have to convince anyone else...

...oh yeah, remember where I said I was a married adult.  As it turns out, when you're married, the husband gets at least a *little* say in whether or not to adopt two 11-year-olds.

And, since I'm not a mind reader, I had no way of knowing if he would be on board, so I said nothing.  It's safer that way.

But I couldn't get them out of my mind.  Day after day, for a whole month, I couldn't stop thinking about them.

So I decided to risk it.  I put together a power point about how awesome it would be and how well they would fit into our family and how easy it would be to get the money in place.  (What?  Don't you talk to your husband through such emotionally connected mediums as Power Point?)  I gave my presentation and closed with, "Let me know if you have any questions."

Two weeks later when I followed up, he told me he thought I had been joking.  Yep, I had managed to 'risk it' in such a safe way that it came across as a joke.  Did you hear the one about the girl that wanted to adopt a couple of pre-teens?  Hahaha.

So I kept bringing it up and bringing it up and bringing it up.  I wish I could say I was engaging in open discussions about what was best for our family; however, I almost always started on the defensive.  These were 'my' kids (ummm...I mean 'our' kids) and no one was going to get in my way.  Most of my attempts at 'discussion' were either offhand jokes that no one would take seriously or full on assaults that any one would run for cover from.

Needless to say, the only thing I really succeeded in doing was picking multiple fights.  One of them in Panda Express!  Who fights in Panda Express?!?  Sweet fire chicken is about love!  Broccoli beef is about peace!

So I resolved to stop bullying my husband.  Which is to say that I stopped arguing and started praying for the perfect things to say that would help him change his mind.

At the same time, I also stopped praying that we would be able to adopt the twins and started praying that their family would come for them soon.  Now, if we're honest, I'd always quickly add, "and if it's your will, I'm perfectly happy for that family to be us", but I did mean what I said.  They had been in an orphanage for about 17 months at this point.  They needed a family that was ready to come for them.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago.  I logged on to the waiting child list and saw the worst...

Their picture was gone.

The taste was bitter.

But it was also the best...

Their picture was gone!

The taste was sweet.

My prayers had been answered.  A family had committed to them.  If my information is correct, these two amazing kids will be coming to their new home in January.  My hope was that they would find a home before the start of the second year in the orphanage and they will.  They are going home with a family (orphans no more!) two months before the two year mark.

And it's great.  And it sucks.  And I cried.  But I also smiled because, like I said, it's great.

So, I put myself out there and I took a risk.  And it would be easy to say that I failed because I don't get to have these two children as part of my family.  However, I did learn quite a bit about myself.  Some of it was not so flattering, such as the fact that when I have an emotional investment in a discussion I default to comedienne or bully.  I need to find the middle ground where I can actually have an honest discussion, rather than just advocating for my position regardless of any concerns raised by the other party.  Especially when that other party is my husband!  Some of it was useful, such as my spreadsheet analysis of 29 (29!) individual insurance policies for a family of 4 taking into account necessary medical checkups, labs and monthly medicines.  I kind of rocked that data.  And, no, I won't do the same for you unless you're paying me $100/hour because flipping through insurance contracts to read all the small print so you make sure you aren't missing any details is hell on earth.

Like I said, I stepped outside of my comfort zone.  I took a risk.  I got hurt.  But I also had the chance to pray two beautiful kids home.

It was definitely bitter.  But also sweet.

 
I still prefer the milk chocolate (in food and life), but bittersweet's not so bad.

Rocking Extra Chromosomes

Did you know that October is National Down Syndrome Awareness month?

Yeah, me neither.

But, now that we both know, there's something I want to share with you.

All over the world, where tests are available to identify in advance if a child has been blessed with an extra chromosome, parents frequently make the choice to terminate their pregnancies.

As if that weren't bad enough, in many parts of the world children that aren't born 'perfect' are often abandoned by their parents - hidden away in mental institutions.  Many of these institutions fulfill their duties and care for the children.  Sadly, many do not.

Tommy is one of the children that wasn't lucky.

 

The picture above was taken shortly before he turned 12.  Nope, that's not a typo.  TWELVE.

He is 12 years old, weighs 26 pounds and fits in a baby walker.  The saddest part is that at 26 pounds, he's one of the 'healthier' children in this particular institution.  There are a couple of girls (9 and 10 years old) who are 10 lbs.

The children here are given barely enough food to survive and that's it.  They are not fed enough for their bodies to grow and they certainly aren't given much stimulation.  It's very likely that the time Tommy spent in the baby walker for his photo was the first time he'd been out of his crib in days (if not longer).

The good news is that there are amazing people that are ready (and eager!) to adopt the lost little boys and girls in Tommy's institution. 

The bad news is that the families that commit to these children often face seemingly insurmountable odds.  You see, although these children are not deemed to have enough worth to be fed or held or read to or let outside, the price that must be paid to adopt them is very high.  Many of the places with the worst-off children have the highest ransoms for rescue. 

The cost of adopting Tommy could be $30,000 (or more).

$30,000!

Rumor has it that a family is currently working to commit to Tommy's adoption.  I don't know this family (or their financial situation), but, it would be great if we could make sure that money does not become an obstacle for them.

For anyone interested in helping out, Tommy has a grant you can donate to at Reece's Rainbow (a great non-profit that helps fund the adoption of children with Down Syndrome and other special needs).  The money donated will be kept in a fund to be used by the family that commits to adopting Tommy (for adoption related expenses only).

http://reecesrainbow.org/tommy-11-11

Let's celebrate Down Syndrome Awareness Month by helping Tommy come home!